Them Bats Is Smart. They Use Radar!

Earlier Today, We Got A Call From Stephen Hawking. He's A Genius, And After 6,028 Shows He Ran The Numbers And He Said It Works Out To About Eight Minutes Of Laughter.

It Was A Tough Press Conference For President Bush. He Spent The First Ten Minutes Trying To Pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush Insisted That Iraq Is Not Vietnam. Of Course Not, He Avoided Vietnam.

Holyfield Won The Fight. It's Not The First Time Romney Has Been Knocked Out By A Black Guy.

Pope Francis Is Going To Go To Washington, D.c., To Address Congress. He Believes The New England Patriots Have Been Deflating His Giant Hat.

Osama Bin Laden... Lived In One House For, Like, Six Years With Three Wives. And Earlier Today, They Ruled His Death Was A Suicide.