The Universe Is Very, Very Big.

Technically My Dog's Naked Most Of The Time. Except Halloween, When I Dress Him Up As Liza Minelli.

I Dropped Out Of High School When I Was 16, After I Had A Huge Argument With My English Teacher Over The Meaning Of The Word 'existentialism.'

A Dozen Swimming Events Have Already Been Completed In The Olympic Competition. I Wonder Where They Got The Name 'speedo.' It Doesn't Sound Like A Bathing Suit, It Sounds Like A Breakfast Cereal For Meth Addicts.

President Obama Announced His Re-election Campaign, Though It’s Not Really A Surprise. He Did All The Things That Make It Official: He Filed The Paperwork, Redesigned His Website, And Printed Another Fake Birth Certificate.

It Seemed That I Performed Better Sober Than Drunk. Who Knew?