The True Guide Of Life Is To

I Drink And Smoke And I Am Two Hundred Percent Fit.

He Has All Of The Virtues I Dislike And None Of The Vices I Admire.

A Modest Little Person, With Much To Be Modest About.

A Lady Came Up To Me One Day And Said 'sir! You Are Drunk', To Which I Replied 'i Am Drunk Today Madam, And Tomorrow I Shall Be Sober But You Will Still Be Ugly.

Do Not Let Us Speak Of Darker Days, Let Us Speak Rather Of Sterner Days. These Are Not Dark Days: These Are Great Days-the Greatest Days Our Country Has Ever Lived; And We Must All Thank God That We Have Been Allowed, Each Of Us According To Our Stations, To Play A Part In Making These Days Memorable In The History Of Our Race.