The Thing Is, Comedy's Gone In A

I Always Tell My Kids To Cut A Sandwich In Half Right When You Get It, And The First Thought You Should Have Is Somebody Else. You Only Ever Need Half A Burger.

I Was Raised By A Hard-working Single Mother, So My First Role Model Was A Woman. My Only Caretaker Was A Woman, And I Have Three Sisters, So My Community Was Girls. I Have Two Girls, And My Dog Is A Girl. My Dead Dog Was A Girl. I Don't Know. I Guess I've Always Keyed In On That Perspective.

When My Kids Were Younger, I Used To Avoid Them. I Used To Sit On The Toilet 'til My Legs Fell Asleep. You Want To Know Why Your Father Spends So Long In The Toilet? Because He's Not Sure He Wants To Be A Father.

Pushing The Envelope' Sort Of Implies That You're Inside The Envelope With Everyone Else, And You're Trying To Find The Edges On The Outsides.

I'm Not Sure Why I'm So Often Disgusting On Stage. I Don't Always Know Where It Comes From.