The Thing About A Good Podcast Is

People Have To Be Realistic, Or The Dream Just Drags On.

If You've Driven Over To The Gay Section Of Los Angeles, It's Like A Golf Course... Real Estate Values Go 'boom!'

I Am Semi-ambivalent About Being On Camera - Sort Of Low-key. I Don't Like Being On Camera Stuff That Much. I Like Radio And Live Performing Stuff. I Don't Like The Television Stuff As Much. Some People Do. It Takes A Certain Breed Of Cat. There Is A Ton Of Pressure And You Need To Read Cue Cards. I Am Not A Good Cue Card Reader. Being A Poor Reader Was Enough To Make Me Not Want To Do That Type Of Formatted Show.

When I Fart My Ass Makes A Trumpet Sound That Heralds The Arrival Of The Smell.

As I Said In My Last Book, Birds Are Mean. They're The Only Pet That, When They Escape, The Owners Are Relieved. You Can Tell A Species Is Evil By Doing This Simple Math. If My Blond Lab Molly Was The Size Of T-rex, That Would Just Mean More Kibble, More Work For The Gardener In The Backyard, And A Harder Time Moving Her To My Wife's Side Of The Bed At Night. If Birds Were The Size Of A T-rex, The Streets Would Be Littered With Human Remains.