The Reason Most Comedies Don't Win Awards

I Was A Standup Comedian, Which Is Kind Of Like Writing And Directing Yourself.

Ever Since I Was A Little Kid, I've Felt Comfortable In A Suit. It All Started When My Mom Bought Me A Three-piece Pierre Cardin Suit. I Wore That Thing Everywhere. Eventually I Realized I Was Going To Be The Kid Who Got Beat Up In School, But I Kept Wearing It.

You Want A Happy Ending, But Not Such A Ridiculous Happy Ending That It Doesn't Mean Anything To Anybody.

I Always Hated High-school Shows And High-school Movies, Because They Were Always About The Cool Kids. It Was Always About Dating And Sex, And All The Popular Kids, And The Good-looking Kids. And The Nerds Were Super-nerdy Cartoons, With Tape On Their Glasses. I Never Saw 'my People' Portrayed Accurately.

I'm Really A Skeptic. I'm Kind Of Not A Believer In The Paranormal.