The Reason I Love My Dog So

Since The Icelandic Volcano Obviously Needs A Virgin Sacrifice And The Catholic Church Obviously Needs New Leadership The Pope Must Volunteer To Jump In The Volcano. Pontiff, Don't Think Of It As Endorsing Paganism, Think Of It As Supersizing Ash Wednesday.

For The First Time Since 1979, We Are Talking To The Islamic Republic Of Iran. Obama Says Talking To Him Is Probably Pointless, But It's A Hell Of A Relief From Mitch Mcconnell.

When You Get People Who Are Out Of Office, Suddenly Their Tongues Loosen Up And Suddenly They Say The Things That You Wish They'd Said Or Did When They Were In Office.

New Rule: Stop Asking Miss Usa Contestants If They Believe In Evolution. It’s Not Their Field. It’s Like Asking Stephen Hawking If He Believes In Hair Scrunchies. Here’s What They Know About: Spray Tans, Fake Boobs And Baton Twirling. Here’s What They Don’t Know About: Everything Else. If I Cared About The Uninformed Opinions Of Some Ditsy Beauty Queen, I’d Join The Tea Party.

Even Somebody Like Bill Clinton, Who I Happen To Admire Very Much, The Second He Was Out Of Office, I Remember, He Was Interview In Rolling Stone And He Said He Thought We Should Have Legalized Marijuana. And I Thought, Gosh, If Only You Were In Some Sort Of Position To Affect Change In The Last Eight Years Where You Could Have Done Something About That.