The Idea Of Being A Practicing Catholic,

I'm Bald, Blind And Pale. I'm Like A Gigantic Recessive Gene.

I Lived Across From A Catholic Church For 15 Years That I Never Went Into. And Then I Got Married To My Wife And - You Know, And Now We're Going In There Every Other Day Baptizing A Kid.

Have You Seen The Bologna That Has The Olives In It? Who's That For? 'i Like My Bologna Like A Martini. With An Olive.' 'i'll Have The Bologna Sandwich - Dirty.'

I Think When I Started Doing Stand-up, That's When I Really Tried To Question Everything In My Belief System Which Is - I Think A Pretty Important Part Of Being A Comedian Is Really Questioning Things.

There Has Been This Belief Among The Catholic Community - And This - I'm No Expert, This Is My Opinion - That Cafeteria Catholics Are Wrong.