The Hardest Thing In Comedy Is To

I Am So Busy Doing Nothing... That The Idea Of Doing Anything - Which As You Know, Always Leads To Something - Cuts Into The Nothing And Then Forces Me To Have To Drop Everything.

You Know What I Never Get With The Limo? The Tinted Windows. Is That So People Don't See You? Yeah, What A Better Way Not To Have People Notice You Than Taking A Thirty Foot Cadillac With A Tv Antenna And A Uniformed Driver. How Discreet. Nobody Cares Who's In The Limo. You See A Limo Go By, You Know It's Either Some Rich Jerk Or Fifty Prom Kids With $1.75 Each.

These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty!

I Do Not Know Why Anyone Would Host An Awards Show. No Matter How Unbelievably Well You Do At It, The Only Thing That Can Happen Is You Get Asked Again To Host An Awards Show.

Responsible, Who Wants To Be Responsible? Whenever Something Bad Happens, It's Always, Who's Responsible For This?