The Comedy Gods Are Smiling On Me

Sarah Palin Should Not Be On Vacation. She Should Be In Summer School.

Mccain Was Introduced At The Convention Last Night By His Wife -- I Won't Say 'trophy Wife' -- But She Did $300,000 Worth Of Clothes And Jewelry On, No Matter To The Party Of The Little Guy. But Cindy Mccain Talked About How His Character, Honor And Integrity Made Him The Exact Kind Of Married Man She Was Looking To Pick Up At A Bar.

People Who Don't Like You Almost Never Come Up To You. That's A Lot Of Years Of Saying Things That I Know A Lot Of People In This Country Hate Me For. And The Number Of Times Someone Has Come Up To Me And Said Something Negative, I Could Count On One Hand.

France... What Can You Say About A Country That Was Too Stupid To Get On Board With Our Wonderfully-conceived And Brilliantly-executed War In Iraq?

John Kerry Made A Joke About Bush Being A Moron, And Now Bush Wants Morons To Think It Was A Joke Was About The Troops. ... Now, John Kerry Has Apologized. He Said He Made A Botched Joke And Admitted That He Has A Joking Problem. He Has Checked Into An Improv Group And Revealed That As A Child, He Was Molested By A Clown.