The Comedy Gods Are Smiling On Me

If You Came Into The Theater Believing In The Talking Snake, It's Kind Of Hard To Leave The Theater Still Believing In The Talking Snake.

To Me A Real Patriot Is Like A Real Friend. Who's Your Real Friend? It's The Person Who Tells You The Truth. That's Who My Real Friends Are. So, You Know, I Think As Far As Our Country Goes, We Need More People Who Will Do That.

The Nra Made An Ad Saying That Obama Is Elitist Because His Kids Have Armed Guards. Yeah, That Crazy Obama Thinking His Kids Need Special Protection. I Love The Nra Accusing Anyone Of Being Paranoid. It's Like A Septic Tank Saying, 'you Need A Mint.'

Let's Make A Law That Gay People Can Have Birthdays, But Straight People Get More Cake - You Know, To Send The Right Message To Kids.

I Think That Religion Stops People From Thinking. I Think It Justifies Crazies. I Think Flying Planes Into A Building Was A Faith-based Initiative. I Think Religion Is A Neurological Disorder. If You Look At It Logically, It's Something That Was Drilled Into Your Head When You Were A Small Child. It Certainly Was Drilled Into Mine At That Age. And You Really Can't Be Responsible When You Are A Kid For What Adults Put Into Your Head.