The Best Things In Life Aren't Things.

I Earned My Stripes As A Marine, And The Corps Gets Full Credit For Straightening Me Out. At 17, I Was Young, I Was Unhappy And Most Of All, I Was Undisciplined. The Marine Corps Was The Right Service In The Right Place At The Right Time.

On The Whole I Woke Up In The Morning And Was Happy To Be Alive.

The Reason I Don't Play Golf Is Because I Was A Caddie When I Was 13. Women Never Gave Up A Golf Ball That Was Lost Somewhere In The Trees And Thicket And Down Through The Poison Ivy. It Was During One Of These Searches That I Vowed To The Lord Above That If I Ever Earned Enough Money I Would Never Set Foot On A Course Again.

I Contemplated Suicide. My Main Concern Was That I Would Not Make The New York Times Obituary Page.

You Can't Make Up Anything Anymore. The World Itself Is A Satire. All You're Doing Is Recording It.