That's The Happiest I Am, When I'm

Latins For Republicans. It's Like Roaches For Raid.

I Love Life, And I Embrace Every Minute Of It.

I Was Just School Class Clown And That Was It. Someday I'll Get A Job As A Cab Driver Or Whatever.

My Mom [comes] To See My Shows Because She's So Proud, But I'm Talking About Losing My Virginity, My Ex-wife And Our Sexual Problems, And She's Sitting In The Front Row Smiling. I Just Go, "mom, You Can't Sit In The Front Row, You Can't Smile. You Have To Go Way In The Back And Dress In Black. If I See You It's Like You're Breaking In When I'm Having Sex With My Wife. It's Just Wrong."

After Kids Leave The House, They Can Decide To Do Whatever They Want, But While They're Under My Roof, They're Going To Be Lawyers Or Writers Or Something, Something Important, Anything Except Actors.