Success Is.... Happiness. Is That Too Deepak

They're Making A Movie About Barack And Michelle Obama's First Date, Called 'southside With You,' And The Producers Say They've Already Cast Someone To Play Young Barack Obama. Now, I'm Not Saying The President Has Aged A Lot But That Young Actor Is Morgan Freeman.

The Senate Has Passed A New Bill That Requires Tv Stations To Lower The Volume Level On Commercials. This Is Great, A Hundred Of The Most Powerful People In The Nation Have Managed To Do The Same Thing My Remote Does.

The Acting Director Of The Secret Service, Joseph Clancy, Said They May Make The Fence Around The White House Taller Because Of The Recent Security Failures. When Asked If He Had Any Other Ideas, He Said, 'uh, Make The Sidewalk Lower?'

The One Thing You Shouldn't Do Is Try To Tell A Cab Driver How To Get Somewhere.

Yesterday President Obama Traveled To Jamaica, Where He Will Meet With Students And Caribbean Leaders. Jamaica's Such A Beautiful Place, Obama Says He Can't Wait To Just Take It All In, Hold It For Several Seconds, And Then Exhale.