Students Don't Know Who Mark Twain Was

I Want To Be Governor [of Texas] Because I Need The Closet Space.

These Days, There Are Many People Around The World Who Listen To The Songs That Made Me Infamous And Read The Books That Made Me Respectable.

I Want To Fight The Wussification Of The State Of Texas. I Want To Rise And Shine And Bring Back The Glory.

My Plan Is To Bring Back Like The Bracero Program From 1944 That Ran For 20 Years Where The Mexican Government Vets These People. I Mean, They Pay For It, And They Get Green Cards, And They're Actually Legitimate. And Then Seal The Border.

Golf Is The Only Opportunity That Middle-aged Wasps Have To Dress Up Like A Pimp.