I'm The Most Unromantic Lump Of Northern

My Mother-in-law Had To Stop Skipping For Exercise. It Registered Seven On The Richter Scale.

The Wife's Mother Said, ‘when You're Dead, I'll Dance In Your Grave.’ I Said: ‘good, I'm Being Buried At Sea’.

I'm Not Saying My Mother Didn't Like Me, But She Kept Looking For Loopholes In My Birth Certificate.

In Awe, I Watched The Waxing Moon Ride Across The Zenith Of The Heavens Like An Ambered Chariot Towards The Ebony Void Of Infinite Space Wherein The Tethered Belts Of Jupiter And Mars Hang, For Ever Festooned In Their Orbital Majesty. And As I Looked At All This I Thought... I Must Put A Roof On This Toilet.

Take My Wife... Please. I'm Not Saying She's Ugly, But When She Went To See A Horror Film, The Audience Thought She Was Making A Personal Appearance.