Stand-up Comedy Is A Raunchy Profession.

Why Would Anyone Get Married And Have Babies? That's The Dumbest Idea I've Ever Heard In My Life. Or The Scariest Thing I've Ever Heard In My Life.

It Can Take A Few Months To Get A New 10 Minutes. Usually It Takes Like 10 Times Of Repeatedly Trying Different Variations Of A Joke Until I Land On One I Think Is Really Good.

Whats The Worst That Could Happen?! The Worst That Could Happen Is He Could Cut Off Your Legs And Use Them To Make Stilts That Look Like Legs!

The Hardest Part About Rollerblading Is Telling Your Parents You're Gay.

At The Risk Bragging, One Of The Things I'm Best At Is Riding Coattails. Behind Every Successful Man Is Me, Smiling And Taking Partial Credit.