Sonny Von Bulow, Who Said To Her

John Wilkes Booth, Who Said, Sorry, I Thought He Was A Critic. Never Got A Dinner!

Sure, I've Gotten Old. I've Had Two Bypass Surgeries, A Hip Replacement, New Knees... I've Fought Prostate Cancer And Diabetes. I'm Half Blind, Can't Hear Anything Quieter Than A Jet Engine, And Take 40 Different Medications That Make Me Dizzy, Winded, And Subject To Blackouts. I Have Bouts With Dementia, Poor Circulation, Hardly Feel My Hands Or Feet Anymore, Can't Remember If I'm 85 Or 92, But... Thank God, I Still Have My Florida Driver's License!

Dracula, Who Said While They Drove A Wooden Stake Into His Heart, Boy, I Sure Hope This Is Heartburn. Never Got A Dinner!

Pliny The Elder, Who When Rome Was Burning Requested Nero To Play You Picked A Fine Time To Leave Me, Lucille. Never Got A Dinner!

Joan Rivers, Who Said To Marcel Marceau, Can We Talk? Never Got A Dinner!