Sometimes I Try To Take A Nap

I'd Like To Name My Kid A Whole Phrase. You Know, Something Like Ladies And Gentlemen. That'll Be A Cool Name For A Kid. This Is My Son, Ladies And Gentlemen! Then, When He Gets Out Of Hand, I Get To Go, Ladies And Gentlemen, Please!

My Kids And I Figured Out That There’s A Third Kind Of Person, And I Don’t Know What You Call Them, But It’s Somebody Who Sees That The Glass Is Always Full Because It’s Half Full With Water And Half Full With Nothing, So That’s The Third Kind Of Person. I Don’t Know What It Is.

A Household Name Is Like Ketchup. Everybody Wants Ketchup. Ketchup Doesn't Hurt Anybody.

You Could Drive A Rental Car Until You Don't Want It. Just Get Out Of It While It's Moving And Just Walk Away. No, I Don't Feel Like Being In That Car Any Longer. Just Call Hertz. Hi, Your Car Is Drifting Into The Intersection Of 28th And Broadway, If You're Interested. It's Now Your Problem.

When You Have Bacon In Your Mouth, It Doesn't Matter Who's President.