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America Can Do Whatever We Set Our Mind To. That Is The Story Of Our History, Whether It's The Pursuit Of Prosperity For Our People, Or The Struggle For Equality For All Our Citizens; Our Commitment To Stand Up For Our Values Abroad, And Our Sacrifices To Make The World A Safer Place. Let Us Remember That We Can Do These Things Not Just Because Of Wealth Or Power, But Because Of Who We Are: One Nation, Under God, Indivisible, With Liberty And Justice For All.

Now, I Know That He's Taken Some Flak Lately, But No One Is Prouder To Put This Birth Certificate To Rest Than The Donald. Now He Can Get To Focusing On The Issues That Matter. Like, Did We Fake The Moon Landing? What Really Happened In Roswell? And Where Are Biggie And Tupac?

Michelle, I Love You. The Other Night, I Think The Entire Country Saw Just How Lucky I Am. Malia And Sasha, You Make Me So Proud…but Don't Get Any Ideas, You're Still Going To Class Tomorrow. And Joe Biden, Thank You For Being The Best Vice President I Could Ever Hope For.

When Individuals Get Crowbars And Start Prying Open Doors To Loot, They're Not Protesting. They're Not Making A Statement. They're Stealing. When They Burn Down A Building, They're Committing Arson.

We've Endured Too Many Tragedies. And Each Time I Learn The News I React Not As A President, But As Anybody Else Would - As A Parent.