So Many Means Of Self-destruction, So Little

I Have Never Been Normal About My Body. It Has Always Seemed To Me A Strange And Foreign Entity. I Don't Know That There Was Ever A Time When I Was Not Conscious Of It. As Far Back As I Can Think, I Was Aware Of My Own Corporeality, My Physical Imposition On Space.

All Of Us Have Theories About The World And About Ourselves. We Will Go To Great Lengths To Prove Ourselves Right Because It Keeps The World In Our Head Coherent And Understandable.

In Truth, You Like The Pain. You Like It Because You Believe You Deserve It.

There Was A Time When I Was Unable To Get Out Of Bed Because My Body, Its Muscles Eating Themselves Away, Refused To Sit Up. There Was A Time When The Lies Rolled Off My Tongue With Ease, When It Was Far More Important To Me To Self-destruct Than To Admit I Had A Problem, Let Alone Allow Anyone To Help.

People With Eating Disorders Tend To Be Very Diametrical Thinkers – Everything Is The End Of The World, Everything Rides On This One Thing, And Everyone Tells You You're Very Dramatic, Very Intense, And They See It As An Affectation, But It´s Actually Just How You Think. It Really Seems To You That The Sky Will Fall If You Are Not Personally Holding It Up. On The One Hand, This Is Sheer Arrogance; On The Other Hand, This Is A Very Real Fear. And It Isn't That You Ignore The Potential Repercussions Of Your Actions. You Don't Think There Are Any. Because You Are Not Even There.