Since I Never Get On A Scale,

I'm Completely Unqualified For Any Job I've Ever Had.

I Like Feeling Like An Ox At The End Of The Day. I Like Working Hard.

I Don't Have To Write Jokes. I Don't Have To Write Insults. If You Ask The Man Of The Hour In The Hot Seat, My Mere Existence Is Clearly Insult Enough.

If You're Preparing A Dinner For Friends Or A Holiday Dinner, Make Sure To Only Prepare Recipes You Are Comfortable With And Have Cooked Before. Cooking For Others Is Not The Time To Try Out A Recipe For The First Time. You End Up Spending All Your Time In The Kitchen Instead Of Enjoying Your Company.

When You Really Want To Show Some Love, Keep The Flowers And Say It With Spaghetti.