Sign Outside A Country Shop: We Buy

His Body Rigid With Terror As He Waited For The Savages To Something Horrible To Him—bash His Head With Clubs, Or Stab Him With Spears, Or… …or Tap Him On The Shoulder.

For Dad, The Perfect Father's Day Would Be One In Which He Didn't Even Realize That It Was Father's Day, Because Nobody Was Making Him Appreciate Gifts He Didn't Want, Or Read Greeting Cards Filled With Lame Father's Day Poetry.

If Mozart Had Power Tools, There's No Telling How Great His Music Might Have Been.

Never Trust Anything You Read In A Travel Article.

I Would Rather Undergo A Vasectomy Via Weed Whacker Than Attend An Opera.