Save Your Money. You're Going To Need

I've Got A Lot Of Back-up Because My Father Was A Catholic, My Mother Was A Protestant, I Was Educated By Jews And I'm Married To A Muslim. So I Won't Lose Out On A Technicality.

By The Time The Oscars Are On I'll Be Seventy. How Many More Chances Am I Going To Have To Get Nominated For An Oscar?

It's Funny, People Ask Me, 'what Would You Consider The Most Romantic Track On Your Record Mr Caine?' And I Say 'swollen' By Bent, And They Say 'i Think He's Off His Rocker!'

I Want To Stick Around With The Big Boys. I Don't Want To Be In The Old Folks Home.

One Of The Great Things With Comedy Is That There's No Such Thing As A Mediocre Comedy; It's Either Uproarious Or Crap. That's The Problem.