Room Service? Send Up A Larger Room.

I Never Go To Movies Where The Hero's Tits Are Bigger Than The Heroine's.

I Met My Wife On A Ferry Boat, And When We Landed She Gave Me The Slip

Thirteen At A Table Is Unlucky Only, When The Hostess Has Only Twelve Chops.

She's Afraid That If She Leaves, She'll Become The Life Of The Party.

The Trouble With Writing A Book About Yourself Is That You Can’t Fool Around. If You Write About Someone Else, You Can Stretch The Truth From Here To Finland. If You Write About Yourself The Slightest Deviation Makes You Realize Instantly That There May Be Honor Among Thieves, But You Are Just A Dirty Liar.