Right Foot, Left Foot, Hemorrhage.

That's What I Hate About The War On Drugs. All Day Long We See Those Commercials: "here's Your Brain, Here's Your Brain On Drugs", "just Say No", "why Do You Think They Call It Dope?" … And Then The Next Commercial Is [singing] "this Bud's For Yooouuuu." C'mon, Everybody, Let's Be Hypocritical Bastards. It's Okay To Drink Your Drug. We Meant Those Other Drugs. Those Untaxed Drugs. Those Are The Ones That Are Bad For You.

I Got This Big Fear Of Doing Smoking Jokes In My Act And Showing Up Five Years From Now Goin' [puts Mic To His Neck And Speaks As If He Had A Mechanical Larynx] 'good Evening Everybody, Remember Me, Smoking's Bad. [puts Cigarette To Neck And Mimics Smoking It] Eeww. You Ever Seen Somebody Do That? I've Seen Someone Do That. Let Me Tell You Something — If You're Smoking Out Of A Hole In Your Neck [mimics It Again] I'd Think About Quitting. And That's Just Me, Ya Know.

I Was A Weekend Drinker...i'd Start On Saturday, End On Friday...thought I Was Controlling It...but I Don't Drink Any More.

I'm An American Who Loves An America Which Doesn't Exist, Which Is A Land Of Freedom And Free Ideas.

I've Had Good Times On Drugs...bad Times On Drugs...but I've Had Good And Bad Relationships...and I'm Not Giving Up Pussy.