Remember, Folks, I Am A Comedian, Not

The Beauty About The D-list Is That People Who Are On It Probably Don't Know They Are.

Oh, I Constantly Say Things That I Regret. I Mortify Myself Constantly. But That's Just Part Of The Deal. I'm Not Really Sure What's Going To Come Out Of My Mouth.

I Also Love Mole, The Unsung Hero Of Reality Programming.

When My Pals In High School Were Starting To Drink, It Always Looked Unappealing To Me. I Would Be At A Big Party And See One Of The Popular Girls Or Football Players Completely Wasted And Puking And Acting A Fool, And Think To Myself, There Is Nothing Cool About That. I Never Wanted To Be That Out Of Control.

I Actually Have To Pick And Chose Stuff That I Know I'm Going To Bomb At.