Procrastinate Now, Don't Put It Off.

I Have The Worst Memory Ever So No Matter Who Comes Up To Me - They're Just, Like, 'i Can't Believe You Don't Remember Me!" I'm Like, 'oh Dad I'm Sorry!

Why Is It That When You Wipe Up Dust Its Called Dusting But When You Wipe Up A Spill Its Not Called Spilling? Just Something To Think About.

It Must Be Around Forty, When You're "over The Hill." I Don't Even Know What That Means And Why It's A Bad Thing. When I Go Hiking And I Get Over The Hill, That Means I'm Past The Hard Part And There's A Snack In My Future. That's A Good Thing As Far As I'm Concerned.

I Get Home At The End Of The Day And I Don't Want To Talk. All I Want To Do Is Lay On The Floor And Pet My Dogs And My Cats.

I Just Like Observing People - It's Something I've Done Ever Since I Was A Kid, And I Got Really Good At It. That's A Big Part Of Why I Became A Comedian. My Audience Is Filled With Every Kind Of Person You Can Imagine, And I Love That.