President Obama Is Getting A New Limousine

[writing A Joke] There Is No Team Of Writers. It's Just You In An Office, Staring At Yourself In The Mirror.

I Can Watch An Episode Of Jerry Seinfeld, And By The End, I'm Just Walking Around My House, You Know, Talking Like Jerry Seinfeld. 'what Is That? What Are You Doing? Who Is It? What's Going' - You Know, I Just Had That Thing, When I Grew Up, I'd Just Start Talking Like People. You Know, I Always Had That.

I Just Heard About A Woman In Germany Who Just Gave Birth To A Baby Boy Named "jihad." Or As The Tsa Put It, "hope You Like Amtrak!

President Obama Is In China Now For An Economic Summit In Beijing. The President Wore A Traditional Purple Silk Shirt Along With Chinese President Xi Jinping And Vladimir Putin. That's After They Taught Putin How To Put A Shirt On.

Apple Is Apparently Building A Large Solar Energy Farm In North Carolina. And If There's Any Justice, The Minute They're Done Building It, God Will Introduce A Newer, Smaller Sun That's Not Compatible With Their Machinery.