Pie Can't Compete With Cake. Put Candles

My Wife's Gotten Really Lazy, Or As She Calls It, 'pregnant.'

You Could Say That To The Pope. I Want To Talk To You About Jesus. He'd Be Like, Easy, Freak.

People Need To Write Articles And They Need To Have Angles In Them And I'm Grateful When People Are Doing Articles, But I Always Say There's Not A Great Mystery To Stand-up Comedy.

I Do Kind Of Aspire To Do Comedy That Appeals To A Wide Range Of Audiences And Doesn't Divide People. I Never Want To Do Material That Makes People Laugh At The Expense Of Making Other People Feel Bad - Not To Say I'm Not Guilty Of That At Times. ... I Try And Make Humor Out Of The Really Important Issues Of The Day, Like Hot Pockets And Elevators And Not Wanting To Get Out Of Bed.

I'm Getting Fat ... As I Planned. Luckily, My Gut Is Intentional. I'm Actually Preparing For A Big Role. Sure, It's A Cinnamon Roll.