People Who Like What I Do Come

I Have No Religion, But I Can't Escape Being Extremely Jewish Ethnically - That Is, Culturally. In Other Words, I'm Not Religious, But I Worry And I'm Neurotic. And I'm Very Good With Money.

We Need To Stop Telling Girls They Can Be Anything They Want When They Grow Up. Because It Would Have Never Occurred To Them That They Couldn't.

Someone On Twitter Sent Me A Page From A Textbook. It Had A Picture Of A Football Player Next To A Picture Of Me. The Juxtaposition Was Meant To Illustrate Two Meanings Of "offensive." Seriously. It Broke My Heart. It's That Accepted What I Do Is Offensive?

When You're A Comic, It's Like Being Born Gay. It's What You Want To Do Every Night When Your Other Friends Are Out At Night Going To Parties.

I Was Going To Get An Abortion The Other Day. I Totally Wanted An Abortion. And It Turns Out I Was Just Thirsty.