People Push My Buttons, So I'm Going

... Some Of The Best Sex I Can Barely Remember.

In These Tough Economic Times, Everybody Has To Cut Back. I Am Down To Three Tabs Of Ecstasy A Day.

My Tendency To Make Up Stories And Lie Compulsively For The Sake Of My Own Amusement Takes Up A Good Portion Of My Day And Provides Me With A Peace Of Mind Not Easily Attainable In This Economic Climate.

I Don't Understand What Apps Are On My Phone. Why Do They Ask For Passwords? Why Do They All Ask For Different Passwords? It's So Frustrating That I End Up Just Reading A Book Every Time I Try To Go Online.

Kristen Stewart Always Looks Like She's Posing For Pictures Taken In A Basement By Her Creepy Uncle.