Nothing Reassures Parents More Than Surrounding Their

I'll Make Fun Of Anybody. We're All About Falling Down And Going Boom On Camera.

You Know What I Hate About People Who Criticize You? They - They Criticize What You Say But They Never Give You Credit For How Loud You Say It.

I Must Confess That I've Never Trusted The Web. I've Always Seen It As A Coward's Tool. Where Does It Live? How Do You Hold It Personally Responsible? Can You Put A Distributed Network Of Fiber-optic Cable "on Notice"? And Is It Male Or Female? In Other Words, Can I Challenge It To A Fight?

Every Night On My Show, The Colbert Report, I Speak Straight From The Gut, Okay? I Give People The Truth, Unfiltered By Rational Argument. I Call It "the No Fact Zone.

And My Daughter Said, 'why Are You Yelling At Us?' And I Said, 'i'm Trying To Discipline You!' And Then She Looked Up At Me With Her Tear-stained Eyes And Said, 'this Is How You Teach Children, By Making Them Cry.' And It Was Such A Clenching Reminder - She Won Not Only The Argument, But She Won Life With That Statement. I Just Burst Out Laughing, And I Think They Were So Surprised That I Burst Out Laughing, That They Did Too.