Nothing Is More Vintage Than Dying Of

Baby Carrots Are Making Me Gay.

Comedians Dissect Jokes All The Time. Comedians Are Beautiful Structuralists. But Ultimately It's An Athletic Endeavor. You Have To Be Able To Just Hit The Backhand. You Can't Think About All The Pieces Of It. You Can't Think About Your Swing. You Just Have To Do It. Reading Someone Else's Deconstruction Of What I Do, All It Does Is Put Me In My Head. On Nights When The Show Goes Particularly Well, I Am Not Aware Of Its Fluidity. A Lot Of Nights I'm Just Worried That I'm Not Going To Be As Good As The Script In Front Of Me.

The Only Thing That Gets Me High Is The Musky Scent Of My Enemy's Fear

Will Herman Cain Become The First Black President That I Acknowledge? I Call Him A Dark Horse Because He's An Unlikely Candidate Who Surged Forward, And Not Because He's A Horse.

Charles Darwin Got Totally Hammered, Woke Up Next To A Monkey And Decided He Had To Come Up With A Theory To Make It All Okay.