Not Only Is My Wardrobe Totally Average,

Gay People Don’t Actually Try To Convert People. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses You’re Thinking Of.

Some People Say, “never Let Them See You Cry.” I Say, If You’re So Mad You Could Just Cry, Then Cry. It Terrifies Everyone.

I Had A Gentleman In College Tell Me, During A Date, That I Could Be Really Pretty If I Lost Some Weight. On A Date!

It’s The Same Reason I Don’t Get Hooters. Why Do We Need To Enjoy Chicken Wings And Boobies At The Same Time? Yes, They Are A Natural And Beautiful Part Of The Human Experience. And So Are Boobies. But Why At The Same Time?

I Would Not Trade Any Of These Features For Anybody Else’s. I Wouldn’t Trade The Small Thin-lipped Mouth That Makes Me Resemble My Nephew. I Wouldn’t Even Trade The Acne Scar On My Right Cheek, Because That Recurring Zit Spent More Time With Me In College Than Any Boy Ever Did.