No Pill Can Help Me Deal With

I Realized That It Was Not That I Didn’t Want To Go On Without Him. I Did. It Was Just That I Didn’t Know Why I Wanted To Go On

I Have Often Asked Myself Whether, Given The Choice, I Would Choose To Have Manic-depressive Illness. If Lithium Were Not Available To Me, Or Didn't Work For Me, The Answer Would Be A Simple No... And It Would Be An Answer Laced With Terror. But Lithium Does Work For Me, And Therefore I Can Afford To Pose The Question. Strangely Enough, I Think I Would Choose To Have It. It's Complicated.

I Wish I Could Explain It So Someone Could Understand It. I'm Afraid It's Something I Can't Put Into Words. There's Just This Heavy, Overwhelming Despair - Dreading Everything. Dreading Life. Empty Inside, To The Point Of Numbness. It's Like There's Something Already Dead Inside. My Whole Being Has Been Pulling Back Into That Void For Months. (81)

No Pill Can Help Me Deal With The Problem Of Not Wanting To Take Pills; Likewise, No Amount Of Psychotherapy Alone Can Prevent My Manias And Depressions. I Need Both. It Is An Odd Thing, Owing Life To Pills, One's Own Quirks And Tenacities, And This Unique, Strange, And Ultimately Profound Relationship Called Psychotherapy

I Have Had Manic-depressive Illness, Also Known As Bipolar Disorder, Since I Was 18 Years Old. It Is An Illness That Ensures That Those Who Have It Will Experience A Frightening, Chaotic And Emotional Ride. It Is Not A Gentle Or Easy Disease.