No Affair That Begins With Such An

The Darkness At Irving. Hope To Have As Much Fun Doing Anything Ever As These Guys Have On Stage.

I Thought I Was Going To Write Fiction But I Fell Backwards Into Non-fiction. It Started When I Got Locked Out Of Two Apartments In One Day And I Told The Story To Some Friends, One Of Whom Worked In The 'village Voice' And Asked Me To Turn It Into An Essay.

When I Was 14, A Camp Counselor Explained What "eating Out" Was And I Vowed To Never Have It Done To Me. It Seemed Cannibalistic And Unhygienic. I Also Remember That She Claimed--in Front Of An Entire Cabin Of Girls--to Have Been "eaten Out" By One Of The Maintenance Men In A Hot Tub. Under Hot Water. Either Something Is Amiss In My Memory Of This Conversation Or She Found The Most Talented Man On The Planet And All Hope Is Lost For The Rest Of Us.

We All Deserve To Be Congratulated, But Sadly That Would Mean There's No One Left To Do The Congratulating.

The Truth Is, I Wrote A Novel When I Was 23. It's Hideously Bad. Truly Rotten.