New Rule: Someone Has To Tell Francesco

Don't Vote For Republicans Or Democrats Until They Clean Up The Open System Of Bribery That We Live Under.

I Always Wanted To Be A Comedian, Even When I Was A Little Kid. I Had A Funny Father Who Was In The News Business, By The Way. He Was A Radio News Guy. So The News Was Always In My House, And Funny Was Always In My House. It Was Sort Of Just Baked Into The Dna That I Would Do This For A Living, But I Can Remember Being Less Than 10 Years Old And Dreaming About Being A Comedian.

New Rule: News Organizations Have To Stop Using The Phrase: "we Go Beyond The Headlines." That's Your Job, Dummy. You Don't See American Airlines Saying, "we Land Our Jets On The Runway"!

I Love Trains. It's The Only Way To Travel Anymore Where It Doesn't Involve A Tsa Agent Slowly Tracing The Curve Of My Inner Thigh.

Life Is Not Like A Box Of Chocolates Unless There's A Few Turds In The Box.