Never Throw Caution To The Wind. It

I Deliver My Truth Hot And Hard.

If I Had One Wish, It Would Be For Self-drying Pants. Wait -- No! Unlimited Wishes! How Do I Return These Stupid Pants?!

Who's Britannica To Tell Me That The Panama Canal Was Built In 1914? If I Want To Say That It Was Built In 1941, That's My Right As An American.

I'm Just Very Interested In What My Guests Have To Say. You Have To Be Vigilant To Stay Ignorant.

You Have To Have A Passionate Opinion; Otherwise You Sound False. You End Up Telling The Audience Jokes They've Already Heard.