Never Lick A Steak Knife.

It May Be Meaningless, But At Least It's A Gesture.

Today's Toys Contain Computer Chips, So They Can Move And Talk; This Stimulates The Mind Of Your Child. Notice I Say "your Child." My Child Just Wants To Eat The Toys.

The Reason It's Called "grape Nuts" Is That It Contains "dextrose," Which Is Also Sometimes Called "grape Sugar," And Also Because "grape Nuts" Is Catchier, In Terms Of Marketing, Than "a Cross Between Gerbil Food And Gravel," Which Is What It Tastes Like.

What Was Life Like In The Colonies? Probably The Best Word To Describe It Would Be "colonial".

Auto Racing Is Boring Except When A Car Is Going At Least 172 Miles Per Hour Upside Down.