Never Comment On A Woman's Rear End.

I Had A Very Easy Time Loving An Audience. But When It's One-on-one With Somebody, All I Wanted To Do Was Run Away, Because Maybe They're Going To Want Something From Me I Can't Give, Or They're Going To Hurt Me.

A Guy Knows He's In Love When He Loses Interest In His Car For A Couple Of Days.

I Grew Up Around Hunters. I Love Guns, Bows, Arrows, Compasses And Binoculars. I Don't Do Any Of That Stuff, I Just Like The Stuff. I Shot One Animal, In My Life, And I Didn't Like It. If I Had To Skin An Animal To Eat It, I'd Probably Eat Vegetables.

I Think There's A Percentage [of The Audience] That Don't Realize, That Don't Know That [standup] Is How Everything Began. We Planned It, We Work Hard, Rehearsals To Get This. It's More Of A ... It's Not Just Coming In There In A T-shirt And Holding A Microphone.

Kids Learn By Example. If I Respect Mom, They're Going To Respect Mom.