My Way Of Joking Is To Tell

Schools And Schoolmasters, As We Have Them Today, Are Not Popular As Places Of Education And Teachers, But Rather Prisons And Turnkeys In Which Children Are Kept To Prevent Them Disturbing And Chaperoning Their Parent.

In An Article On Bunyan Lately Published In The "contemporary Review" - The Only Article On The Subject Worth Reading On The Subject I Ever Saw (yes, Thank You, I Am Familiar With Macaulay's Patronizing Prattle About "the Pilgrim's Progress") Etc.

I Really Don't Think I Could Consent To Go To Heaven If I Thought There Were No Animals There.

I Find That The Moment I Let A Woman Make Friends With Me, She Becomes Jealous, Exacting, Suspicious, And A Damned Nuisance. I Find That The Moment I Let Myself Make Friends With A Woman, I Become Selfish And Tyrannical.

I Have Never Thought Much Of The Courage Of A Lion Tamer. Inside The Cage He Is At Least Safe From Other Men. There Is Not Much Harm In A Lion. He Has No Ideals, No Religion, No Politics, No Chivalry, No Gentility; In Short, No Reason For Destroying Anything That He Does Not Want To Eat