My Investments Have Been Hurt.

Dilbert: I'm Obsessed With Inventing A Perpetual Motion Machine. Most Scientists Think It's Impossible, But I Have Something They Don't. Dogbert: A Lot Of Spare Time? Dilbert: Exactly.

The Cheesecake Factory Is A Great Business Model, But If You Take Your Wife There For Your 25th Wedding Anniversary, You Might Not Reach Your 26th.

There’s Nothing More Humbling Than Seeing Your Best Quotes In A List, And Thinking They Could Have Been Written By A Coma Patient With A Keyboard And Spasms.

Dilbert: You Joined The "flat Earth Society?" Dogbert: I Believe The Earth Must Be Flat. There Is No Good Evidence To Support The So-called "round Earth Theory." Dilbert: I Think Christopher Columbus Would Disagree. Dogbert: How Convenient That Your Best Witness Is Dead.

If You Think It's Easy To Write Jokes About Fried Calamari, You've Probably Never Tried.