My Favorite Vegetable Is The Marshmallow.

Thanksgiving, You Know - Thanksgiving - It's Like We Didn't Even Try To Come Up With A Tradition. The Tradition Is We Overeat.

Lean Pockets, I Don't Even Wanna Know What's In Those. I Wonder What The Directions Are On A Box Of Lean Pockets: 'remove From Box, Place Directly In Toilet.' Flush Pocket!

I Think Stand-up Comedy Is This - It's This Kind Of Indulgence And Narcissism.

I Have More Pictures Of My Children Than My Father Ever Looked At Me.

I Should Clarify That Anyone That Goes Onstage And Makes Strangers Laugh Is Insane. So I Am Insane.