My Eyebrows Could Do With A Trim.

Don Quixote's 'delusions' Is An Excellent Read - Far Better Than My Own Forthcoming Travel Book, 'walking Backwards Across Tuscany.'

The History Of The Relationship Between Comedy And Swimming Is Short Indeed. Of Course It Is Always Funny When Someone Falls Into Water, But That's About It.

It's Worth Turning Up To An Awards Gig If You Know You've Won One But, Since You Never Do Know, It's Not Worth It.

About Every Four Years, Someone Says To Me, "i've Got A Friend Who Looks Exactly Like You." What Can You Say To This?

The Best Way To Prepare For A Night Out With A Shakespearean Tragedy Is To Do A Bit Of Reading Up In The Afternoon, Eat A Light Supper - Perhaps Welsh Rarebit - And Then Arrive Early To Do Some Stretching Exercises In The Foyer Before Curtain-up.