My Dream Was To Grow Up And

Even The White House Is Weighing In On The Deflate-gate Scandal. Yesterday They Encouraged Tom Brady To 'be Mindful Of The Way He Serves As A Role Model.' And Then President Obama Stuffed Out His Cigarette And Went Golfing At Noon On A Weekday.

Today Is The Midterm Elections. The Washington Post Is Predicting That There's A 98 Percent Chance Of The Republicans Taking The Senate And The New York Times Says There's A 75 Percent Chance. And Cnn Said, 'wait, That's Today?'

New Scientist Magazine Reported That In The Future, Cars Could Be Powered By Hazelnuts. That's Encouraging, Considering An Eight-ounce Jar Of Hazelnuts Costs About Nine Dollars. Yeah, I've Got An Idea For A Car That Runs On Bald Eagle Heads And Faberge Eggs.

Jim Gilmore Was The Only Gop Candidate Not Invited To The Republican Debates Tonight, But I Saw That He Actually Planned To Live-tweet It. When He Heard That, Jeb Bush Was Like 'can I Do That? I Don't Want To Be Here!'

Donald Trump Told Abc News That If He Had Oprah As A Running Mate, They Could Easily Win. Although You Know Who'd Definitely Win? Oprah Without Donald Trump.