My Dream Is To Have A Gay

When I Go To One Of Those Singles Dating Parties I Believe Myself To Be A Bowl Of Fruit. When I Talk To Potential Dates, I Judge Them By The Smile In Their Lips, Their Smoothness Of Speech, And The Whiteness Of Teeth; Then I Offer Them The Appropriate Fruit, Which Is Usually A Lemon.

People Have Been Able To See That As Cheeky And As Flirty As I Am, I Am Not The Dreadful Slapper That The Press Used To Portray Me As. But It Will Probably All Turn Around And People Will Hate Me Again In A Couple Of Years.

If I Had A Dream Show, I Probably Shouldn't Even Mention It In This Climate, But It Would Be Like A Kind Of Fix It Show.

Follow Your Dreams, Because Your Dreams Won't Follow You.

I Want To Be Buried With A Mobile Phone, Just In Case I'm Not Dead.