Mosquito Bites Jesus, Receives Communion.

One Of My Favorite Clothing Patterns Is Camouflage. Because When You're In The Woods It Makes You Blend In. But When You're Not It Does Just The Opposite. It's Like, 'hey, There's An Asshole.'

I Was Making Pancakes The Other Day And A Fly Flew Into The Kitchen. And That's When I Realized That A Spatula Is A Lot Like A Fly-swatter. And A Crushed Fly Is A Lot Like A Blueberry. And A Roommate Is A Lot Like A Fly Eater.

I Go The Gym And I Try To Run On The Treadmill And I Listen To Music But It Doesn't Motivate Me Enough. So I'm Going To Get A Recording Of A Pack Of Wolves Gaining On Me. People Would Be Like, 'why Is That Guy Crying On That Treadmill Over There?' 'i Don't Know, But He's Been Yelling, 'help' For Like 20 Minutes. He's Getting A Good Workout.

To Look Like You Are A Real Sports Fan, When There Is A Game On Tv Just Yell, Oh, Come On! Every Now And Then At The Tv.

I Wanna Put Stickers On Turtles... I Don't Know Why.