Men Don't Get Cellulite. God Might Just

An Amicable Divorce Is Like A Ventilated Condom; It Just Doesn't Work.

My Husband Is So Confident That When He Watches Sports On Television, He Thinks That If He Concentrates He Can Help His Team. If The Team Is In Trouble, He Coaches The Players From Our Living Room, And If They're Really In Trouble, I Have To Get Off The Phone In Case They Call Him.

I Never Know What To Get My Father For His Birthday. I Gave Him A Hundred Dollars And Said, 'buy Yourself Something That Will Make Your Life Easier.' So He Went Out And Bought A Present For My Mother.

When You're A Dancer, You Start With The Basics. You Don't All Of A Sudden Do A Grand Jete And Pirouette. You Start With First Position, Second, Third.

Marriages Don't Last. When I Meet A Guy, The First Question I Ask Myself Is: Is This The Man I Want My Children To Spend Their Weekends With?