Men Aren't Men Until They Can Get

I Do A Lot Of Family Shows.

The World Is Your Oyster When You Are Successful. That Was When I Was Getting Scripts. I Was Planning For This. I Like This Business. Parts Of It I Love, And I Didn't Want It To Just End. The Further You Get Away From Your Success, The Less Your Phone Rings. The Next Thing You Know, It's 20 Years Later And You're In A Mall Going, "remember When Al And I Used To Do Something Like This.

Women Are Like Cars: We All Want A Ferrari, Sometimes Want A Pickup Truck, And End Up With A Station Wagon.

Now The Denominator ... Why Don't They Just Call It The Bottom Number? The Denominator ... That Sounds Like A Schwarzenegger Movie Doesn't It? [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I Am The Denominator. I'll Give Your Leg A Compound Fraction!

When Somebody Tells You They're Not Very Smart, They're Saying Exactly The Opposite.