Marriages Don't Last. When I Meet A

When A Woman Tries On Clothing From Her Closet That Feels Tight, She Will Assume She Has Gained Weight. When A Man Tries Something From His Closet That Feels Tight, He Will Assume The Clothing Has Shrunk.

Oh, My God. I've Just Told You How Old I Am. Nobody Knows How Old I Am. I'm Going To Have To Kill You Now.

When You're A Dancer, You Start With The Basics. You Don't All Of A Sudden Do A Grand Jete And Pirouette. You Start With First Position, Second, Third.

Her Idea Of A Romantic Setting Is One That Has A Diamond In It. If You Feel The Need To Marry A Doctor, I Suggest A Dermatologist. Good Hours, Free Retin-a.

If You Like Easygoing, Monogamous Men, Stay Away From Billionaires.